I don’t know if this will go through. I believe in resonance. I believe in the mutuality of resonance. I believe that if you meet someone and that you feel a sense of connection, of resonance with them, that there is a high likelihood that they feel it as well, and that you are not feeling these things in... What’s the word? Something like isolation, but not really.

Mm.. And I understand that this may be cope, this may be delusion. I myself have experienced much one-sided resonance, where I think someone resonates with me and the energy is not reciprocated. So it is a toss-up, I think. It is an instinct that has to be developed.

And of course there are caveats to this, where it’s like oh, you might feel resonance with a celebrity, but it doesn’t mean the celebrity is gonna feel a resonance with you. And you know, the caveats are that we have blind spots, and that the mutuality of resonance is oftentimes predicated upon how accurate your perception of the other is, & how accurate the other’s perception is of you. (sensing) So I think this is something that can be calibrated as you get older. I think I wasn’t very good at it when I was young. Like when you really like somebody but they don’t like you back and you’re like damn… Damn. I guess that resonance was one-sided. And like, that’s a very good case for like why resonance might not always be mutual.

But I’m inclined to believe that it tends to be. (Mutual, that is.) I think visakanv(?) has spoken on this before(?) but I can’t recall the exact words, … something along the lines of: if you really resonate with someone’s work, 1. you should tell them, 2. chances are they will resonate with you too on these highly specific things. (He articulated this far better than me, I will try to find the source eventually)

• sort of like what henrik describes in his article, but from the other side… heh

  Escaping Flatland

  A blog post is a very long and complex search query to find fascinating people and make them route interesting stuff to your inbox

  This essay is the third part of a series. Here is part 1, part 2, and part 4. They can be read independently…

  Read more

  4 years ago · 1249 likes · 76 comments · Henrik Karlsson

But you know, perception is something to be developed. I think I wasn’t very good at it when I was younger. I think that... As you get older, you get a better sensing for both 1. what is [accurate] and 2. for the likelihood of someone [responding] to you and feeling the same way. And backing off when it’s clear that someone doesn’t feel the same way, and not investing too much of your time and energy on someone that doesn’t feel the same, instead of pursuing it like a stubborn little doggy.

Like, sometimes you want to be delusional about a connection and you pursue it one-sidedly, and it doesn’t really work. And lowkey, if they don’t recognize the resonance that you’re feeling, then... Then it can’t be real. Because if they don’t recognize it then there’s probably less resonance than you think… I’ve confessed to a person once in my life, and it didn’t go very well (I got rejected). Later on I saw something that was like “you should never confess to a crush,” that you should never have to confess to a crush. A confession is inherently kind of one-sided. I remember it said something like: you shouldn’t have to confess to a crush; if you have to confess, there’s a high likelihood that they don’t like you back.

Because the nature of a confession is that you are telling something to someone. But if you’re trying to pursue someone, and if it were mutual, then the confession wouldn’t have been needed. It can be done, of course, but it should already have been obvious (that you guys have feelings for each other, due to natural escalation). You know? Because like, I think it’s obvious enough when you like someone, and if the other person hasn’t reciprocated, it’s probably because they’re not interested in you. That is the unfortunate truth. If you were in a talking stage with someone who genuinely likes you and reciprocated, you wouldn’t have to confess to them, because things of their own accord would have very naturally developed anyway, and there wouldn’t be an actual need for a confession because things would just naturally escalate in that way because of the mutual interest in each other!!!

And I think that the concept of mutuality and resonance is sort of the same in this sense, in that it goes both ways but there’s also the element of, [you have to pay attention to how the other person is responding] and if they’re not really responding then you may have to accept that there is less resonance than you may think.

I don’t know if I’m being coherent about all this. I think I was more coherent when I was just talking to myself about this while making my ramen. (Don’t ask why I was talking to myself…) But once I turned on the mic (because I realised this was something I wanted to get down) it all sort of went downhill…

But yeah, I believe in mutuality.

And the spiritual part of me wants to believe in it, because I find it very hard to accept that I could feel so strongly for a person and have them not feel the same way. And this sort of one-sided resonance has never really happened to me again, especially after I learned about the whole mutuality thing especially in the context of confessions, and I think I sort of gained an instinct of when to step back when someone wasn’t responding and when to not invest more and… both an instinct, but also the sensibility to back off and not to pursue something that the other party clearly doesn’t desire as much, and to be mature enough and sensible enough to let it go when you’re faced with this kind of response. Yes.

what i’m trying to say is that: if you like someone, i think they’ll like you back. i believe in energy. i think it’s highly unlikely that you’d feel strongly about someone and that they don’t feel anything in return at all, unless you are highly delusional and have a really warped sense of reality. i think our intuition is often right, if you are brave and honest enough about the inputs and information you’re receiving. i think resonance is real…

this was very enlightening. this is true in general, regardless of gender. i do like people who are sentimental, and who are unafraid to show it. i’m a fan of people who are unflinchingly earnest, in public: while many people are capable of tapping into this sort of sincerity & honesty, a majority of them are only this way in private; so how am i ever going to find them if their sentimentality is hidden?

over the years i’ve been drawn, repeatedly, to people who are demonstrably sensitive (and sentimental!) online. some of them have become my dearest friends; i like to jokingly call them my “victims”1. the process of befriending has often gone something like this:

1. notice someone online, who posts “stuff”

   1. this “stuff” tends to have these attributes:

      1. very earnest / a distinct sense of “them” / an unusual perceptiveness & sensitivity in the things that they notice or comment on / a sharpness in their articulation / the ability to articulate all of this / a distinct lack of self-consciousness with regards to posting all of this in public / a sense of sensibility (ha) about it all

2. i start following their work

3. i admire them from afar

4. i develop a parasocial relationship with them in my head

   1. sometimes, if the opportunity presents itself, i will send them a nice text telling them how i like their work

5. i forget that the parasocial relationship with them is one-sided

6. i start sending them posts/media/etc that i enjoy (and that i assume they will enjoy and resonate with too, based on my imaginary relationship with them in my head)

7. we eventually become friends

the attributes under point #1 make it very easy, in my opinion, to discern (mostly) accurately whether i identify with someone.

the disclaimer, of course, is that i’m trying to find you. sometimes resonance is one-way, and i am as apologetic as i am disappointed to be on either end of this. it doesn’t quite work if only one person feels a strong sense of relatability. the move, in this case, is never to force it; you should always maintain a respectful distance, and back off if the other person seems uncomfortable — i am not at all trying to endorse creep/stalker behaviour. in much the same way guys are advised to approach girls they’re interested in, you should extend any offers of friendship without an expectation of guaranteed acceptance, and bow out with grace if declined. it’s like if you wanted to buy someone a coffee & they refused — you would say “sure no worries!”, instead of buying them a coffee anyway and tossing it in their face.

another one of my wonderful friends addi has said that he remembers me most by something i said at a gathering he hosted:

this is not a sentiment i talk about a lot, but it is something that i am always thinking about. i am driven, mostly, by the friends that i make. i confess that i do not care much for big picture themes like community or innovation or environmentalism, though i agree that these are all important; but i am personally most compelled by individuals. beyond my personal creative endeavours, which mostly feel like a service to myself and my self expression, there is not much i want to do with the world other than seek connection. not as a means to an end! i’m not even very sure why this compels me so. somehow i find great joy in watching these people move through the world, and seeing the work they produce and the change they effect, and i just want to be there to bear witness to it all…!

this is also why i tend to be such a huge supporter of my friends. my friendships, after all, started out with me as a fan. sometimes my friends thank me for supporting them, & my response is always: i’m a fan! i’m supporting you the same way a fan would want their favourite artist to put out more songs/art/etc! i just want to see you do more of the things that you do! my motivation, in this sense, is actually pretty self serving, but luckily it benefits the both of us…

however, i must confess: i haven’t been very good about letting people find me. despite my admiration for it all, i’m not very good at capital-p Posting. i would like to be better at it! posting feels extremely unintuitive for me, especially when trying to make it palatable & comprehensible for people other than myself. posting is as difficult as it is easy for me to tell someone how much i like their work. somehow i lack the intuition for what would compel both me and others equally. so here is a small request:

what would you like to see from me? what do i seem to know about, that you would want me to talk about? what do you think i should be making more of?

let me know. love u<3

bibliography:

Escaping Flatland

A blog post is a very long and complex search query to find fascinating people and make them route interesting stuff to your inbox

This essay is the third part of a series. Here is part 1, part 2, and part 4. They can be read independently…

Read more

4 years ago · 1218 likes · 75 comments · Henrik Karlsson

i met him 8 months ago bc i saw his profile on linkedin and, impressed by his profile, thought to myself, “who the hell is this guy?” so i asked him for coffee, and he agreed. we got salted egg chicken at simlim and made surprisingly unawkward conversation. 2 months later i met vale for lunch and she told me about this acquaintance she knew who did a bunch of cool stuff while on exchange, and i said Woah thats so cool!! Lemme connect with her on linkedin. a week later, said acquaintance accepts my linkedin request and dms me to ask: Would i be interested in working for parka? i, dumbfounded, go back to text dominic yuan to ask: Hey i thought u say u not hiring anymore part timers? Who is this person texting me to ask if i want to work for parka??? Ladies n gentlemen. It was his *sister*. I was not smart enough to put the pieces together even though they had the same last name on linkedin. Long story short, i work for parka now.

• edit: i no longer work for parka! but they are still very cool:)

i started climbing at almost the exact same time i met dom. i wasn’t very good at it, but i liked it a lot. two weeks in, i met a friend for dinner, and she introduced me to her friends as: This is ruiying. shes a musician and she climbs. and i would wave my hands and hasten to clarify that i’d just started two weeks ago, i’ve only climbed twice, and she would say: No no. Ur serious about it. I can tell. and i would blubber and make a poor attempt at refuting. she was right, ultimately, and climbing became a big part of my life (and personality), and every time i went into studio i would jokingly ask dom if he wanted to climb with me. he never seemed very interested (hes more of a soccer guy), but it was funny to ask him anyway. then he went on leave for one month (“leave”) and i asked him if he was excited to go on leave and suddenly he was the one asking me: eh we go climb? Obviously i cheered. and so dom started climbing with me, very occasionally. this is how we became friends.

THIS STORY IS GETTING LONG. BEAR WITH ME.

one day we were at climb and dom turned to me and said: ‘eh you wrote deliberate ah? not bad. could sound good if i mixed it.’ and i gaped at him and said WERE YOU LISTENING TO MY DISCOGRAPHY? ITS TERRIBLE! and he laughed & said no la. then he joked about making hyperpop, to which i enthusiastically agreed. then the conversation moved on. Later that night we were texting and dom said: ‘thanks for jio today. was a good climb. we make hyperpop pls’ and i said ‘oh yes. actually. here is something my fren made for me once, but he has since abandoned me.’ AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW W2F WAS BIRTHED…!

the moral of the story is: sometimes u can get lucky messaging random people off linkedin. sometimes they will give u a job. and sometimes they may even climb with u, after much pestering. the moral of the story is that u should ask ur boss to climb with u, and maybe u will become friends, and he will write a song with u. dom is a very good boss, and i’m very lucky to have him produce and sing on my song. ❤️ stream w2f when it comes out on friday!!!

u may presave it here!!! https://orcd.co/ry-d0my-w2f

<3,

ry